This has been a bit of a weird Christmas for me, mainly due to the nature of my job. For the past several years I’ve been a night supervisor at a large office supply chain, and then for the first time this year, since my promotion, I’ve been a manager on the floor. This has caused a bit of disconnect for me because my main job- what my job is centered around, is to find ways to make people buy more stuff for Christmas. That’s what it essentially boils down to. I need to generate revenue, and so I am making sales, encouraging people to purchase add-ons, training my cashiers and sales staff on how to maximize profitability and utilize various sales tactics to get the most out of each person.
And I don’t mind that, as that’s my job and that’s the nature of the business, but it has resulted in not having a whole lot of time to sit and be silent and meditate on the true meaning of Christmas- that is the birth of my Savior. I don’t tend to get caught up in all the holiday buzz as a whole, and tend to maintain a quieter and more reverent appreciation for Christ in this time of consumerism and business, and yet this time I’m not sensing that. I want to. I want to be able to just…feel that slight implosion of heartache as I bring to bear the culmination of history in the Christ-child in my mind. Whenever I think of him and his promised coming, I desire to have my affections stirred up for him, and for the miraculousness of his birth.
And yet I’ve barely had time to even think about that. In fact, I missed advent completely this year. I feel like I’ve poured so much into being the best manager for my store and aiding people to spend while at the same time neglecting my own appreciation. I guess it boils down to this; I just haven’t thought a whole lot about Jesus lately. And it makes me sad that I haven’t. And I hope in the coming days I can do so, because I can’t stand my own faithlessness to consider him daily during the rest of the year, much less this time of the year.